Been a long time comin'

I've been away from my blog for awhile now. Last weekend I was in VA and this week my parents have been in town. Busy week or so. Now back to our regularly scheduled program...

I've pretty much always been a happy person. I predominantly have a good attitude about life in general and my life specifically. I learned early on to be able to laugh at myself; everybody else was, so why be a party pooper? I grew up (in my mind at least) too skinny, too poor, my ears were too big, my teeth too crooked... I probably have a fairly low self-esteem, but I try to make up for it with my personality. But there are some days when I just don't feel like trying. You know those days. I call them my "chemically imbalanced" days. I wake up and I'm just dissatisfied with everything, but yet nothing in particular. I don't really like being this way, but I'm learning to accept the fact that some days I'm just not myself. And that's OK. As Christians, we weren't called to always be happy and bubbly. We were called to love and to serve. That's it. If we focus on those two things, we'll change the world. So the question becomes: do I let my "off" days affect my ability to love and to serve? It's alright if I'm not happy and smiling and joking around, but if I'm not loving or not serving then there is a problem.

In Nehemiah it says "...for the joy of the Lord is your strength". Now I'm completely ripping this verse out of context with the surrounding passage, but for years, I (and possibly you) have taken this Scripture to mean that somehow the joy of knowing God would supernaturally change my emotions. Now that I read it for face value (inductively), it says the joy of the Lord is your strength. Strength for what? In the passage, it meant for the strength to no longer grieve (probably for not measuring up to the Law). Can I take the liberty to say that maybe it's for strength to love and to serve on a day when you feel like having a pity party? Amazingly, joy returns when we focus on loving and serving others. Our joy comes not in us manufacturing it, but it comes when we do what God created for us to do. The most joyful people I know are those that don't focus on being joyful. They focus on others, the first of whom is Jesus.

So bring on those Wellbutrin days; that's when our faith really meets the road!


***Note - My depression never lasts more than a day. Most people go through this every now and then. If you experience the symptoms of depression on a near constant basis, then you should seek counsel and/or medical help.