Live The Life

Talk about a writer's block. I've really struggled with finding something to talk about lately. Plus things have been abnormal here at the Morris household with all the visitors we've had recently.

Ben has a good post at his blog regarding living our lives in reflection of who Christ is and how we've defined Him in our own lives. This is certainly something all of us struggle with, though we may not be aware of it. I originally was going to post this as a comment on Ben's site but decided it might be better presented as a post here.

Those of us who grew up in church have defined God by what we were taught as kids - rightly or wrongly. I know I have my own kryptonite baggage that wants to say God is disappointed in me, because I still struggle with sin. Growing up in a church that sort of indirectly taught that salvation was conditional upon your continued walk left me very frightened as a young man. I used to lay in bed as a boy feeling terrified (and I'm not sure that's strong enough) that I might not end up in heaven if I were to die. I've since come to grips with grace and faith. Unfortunately though, I tend to swing more apathetic towards my relationship with Christ. A little greasy grace to go on those faith fries.

I'm a people pleaser so I want to do the things that make people like me. It worked well for me as a young man - I was voted "Best Personality" in high school by being a friendly chameleon. I adapt well to situations and will often change my behavior to match the group dynamics to gain acceptance. However, I also have a tendency to resort to giving up if I feel like I've failed people too much. Now transpose this mind-set to a life a faith and you begin to see the quandry that many of us, I'm sure, find ourselves in. We try to make God like us by the things we do - which is impossible. He does not love us any more or any less based on our actions. Pleasing Him one day, disappointing Him the next - it's an emotional roller coaster that we needlessly ride. Our actions will one day be judged, no doubt. What exactly that will entail remains to be seen. But I'm coming to question whether I can please God by what I do - and that's difficult for me. A people pleaser who can't please?!? This blows my whole life plan out of the water.

Bible study and prayer have always been areas of my life that have been undisciplined. Continuing failures in these areas have worn down my resolve to want to keep trying some days. Why continue if I know the ending?

I DON'T know the ending and that's the whole point. These failures don't define me and they don't cause God to be disappointed in me. So everyday I should resolve to live better than the day before. To learn more about a God who is passionately in love with me and will continue to pursue me when I lose my way. To love my wife tirelessly and teach my kids the way they should go. I can't worry with pleasing Him by my actions.

One day I hope to get this thing called faith right. I hope I have it figured out before it's too late.