What Am I So Scared Of?

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

It's the American Dream. But what happens when reality challenges this ideal? As some of you know, my father has muscular dystrophy. He's had it for a long time now. Thankfully he has a mild form of MD that is a slow progressing disease. The muscles in his feet and hands have slowly atrophied over the past 20 years or so. I've seen a man who used to love to take me fishing turn into someone who has a hard time just opening doors. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm proud of him. He has a good attitude towards it. He fights hard to be as normal as possible. You won't hear him complain about his disease.

MD (at least the type he has) can be passed on to successive generations. I was tested when I was a child to see if I carried the genes that might lead to this. I never saw the results of that test. But I had it in my mind (through conversations with my dad) that I did carry the genes. So for many of my adult years, probably the better part of a decade, I lived with a constant fear that I would see the beginning stages of the disease, although I didn't really know what to look for. There were years when I thought about it every single day. Subsequently, whenever I dropped something or when I had normal muscle fatigue in my hands, my mind immediately started assuming the worst. About a year or so ago, I finally sat down with my parents to ask them what the first symptoms were that he showed. Turns out my fears were unfounded, as the symptoms he described were absolutely nothing that I thought I had. In fact, my father told me that I didn't carry the genes. It was as if a HUGE weight was lifted off my shoulders. My heavy heart jumped for joy and has been free ever since.

Our pastor at church has really challenged my train of thought over the last couple of years. He has actively attacked the notion that pain and suffering are things that the Christian should avoid at all costs. There are those who believe (incorrectly, in my opinion) that God's will for you is that you be healthy and wealthy. And if you're not, that you are missing out on God's rich promises. Without getting in to why I believe this doctrine is erroneous, instead why not consider what suffering should produce? Suffering, and in particular - long suffering, should bring about patience. Patience should bring out kindness. Kindness should bring about love. And love covers a multitude of sins. Pain and suffering also will produce character - good or bad, depending on the sufferer's response to his situation. Some might say, "it's easy for you to say these things, you've not suffered like I have. You have no idea what it's like to wake up in pain everyday, all day." I would say, you're absolutely right. I don't know what it's like. But the question is, will I let pain and suffering turn me into sour pickles, whom no one wants to be around? Or would I try my best to overcome my "woe is me" attitude with one of kindness and one of thankfulness for what I do have?

My father, while not perfect (and who is?), has been a great role model for me in this area. Most kids, at some point in their childhood years, go from wanting to be like their parents (early years) to not wanting to be their parents (teenage years). But sometimes as the children grow older, they realize that mom and dad weren't so terrible after all. And their words really had wisdom even when we "knew better". And we begin to see the positive aspects of their lives. If I ever do develop MD, I hope and pray that I would have the same resolve that my father has to not give in and to never complain. He never manipulates the situation to elicit some type of sympathy for his condition. He's a very good man. Probably better than he realizes.

I gotta bring this to a close, but my mind is a bit scattered this morning so please bear with me. Pain and suffering has produced some of the most Godly people I've ever met (or read about). Jon Courson has an incredible testimony about having lost his wife and daughter and how God has met him. Think about CS Lewis; he certainly was no stranger to pain. But he persevered through it and has influenced generations of believers worldwide. Or maybe some of the saints who attend our local church, who have dealt with setbacks which would have caused others to throw in the towel, yet they continue to be faithful to the body of Christ and they minister by their joy. I find more and more, that these are the kind of people I want to be like. But if I have to endure what they've gone through, do I have the courage to say "Your will and not my own". What am I so scared of?